tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44314560496927875112024-03-05T07:47:07.052-08:00The Hyphen HouseMusings, ponderings, etc.LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.comBlogger170125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-79308259443877774422016-03-31T13:30:00.001-07:002016-03-31T13:30:53.692-07:00UntetheredI wrote this in July 2015. I've been sitting on it for a while.<br />
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Although they both grew up in church, my parents trace their real conversion to the time of my mother's pregnancy with me. I was born as they were born again.<br />
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As a family, we worked our way through Methodism, Union Congregationalist, Nazarene, Southern Baptist, Swedish Baptist, charismatic, Bible, non-denominational and probably others I'm forgetting. The variety was mostly owed to our constant moving around, but I thought it gave me a fairly good idea of the scope of Protestant Christianity.<br />
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Of course, I did not understand that these were primarily evangelical churches bent toward the conservative and marked by their regions. I didn't know what a "mainline" denomination was and I certainly didn't consider that a person could be an actual Christian without attending any sort of church.<br />
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I began to grow weary of church in my twenties but still wanted to worship with others. I found myself in a community of believers who felt the same way - burned out but not ready to throw in the towel. Millenials ready for something new (modern music, cool pastors, artsy environment) with a nod to the past (liturgy, hymns, saints). I met my husband here and experienced true "community" - a sharing of lives that was authentic and compassionate. "Social justice" was a buzzword that actually led to action. And (gasp) women were allowed to do things like preach and be a deacon.<br />
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This was a great place for me until it wasn't. I became disillusioned with the cult personalities and the inconsistencies. Its ties to a denomination couldn't be hidden forever and the nuances of inequality became apparent. It was time to move on, again, grateful for experiences had and lessons learned.<br />
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My husband and I embarked on a "church tour", visiting mainline and fringe and everything Christian in between. We kept this up long enough to land at a Black Methodist church that we attended and adored until we moved abroad.<br />
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Methodists on the other side of the Pond are similar but different, and we felt welcome enough in the church the next village over that we stayed. Lay-led and tiny, we did a lot of work, and mostly that was ok. There was a rather classic divide between old and young. They were headed for a split when I had a baby and we decided it was time to find somewhere else.<br />
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The sleeplessness of early motherhood did not inspire me to get up for a service I didn't absolutely love, so we didn't go much of anywhere during the first year of my daughter's life. We had conversations about what church was and who God is and why we even needed/wanted corporate worship gatherings. I grew up hearing and feeling that without substantial Christian fellowship and in-depth Bible-teaching one would surely backslide or become complacent.<br />
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We ended up at a small Quaker meetinghouse with the notion that the Friends advocate peace and justice and simplicity and we needed/stood for those things. Prior research on silent worship did not prepare us for the responsibility of it. Sharing the Light with others and Listening to the Spirit is a lot more daunting than it seems. In the first meeting, I really think I heard God say, "I'm still here, we just have to do a lot of excavation."<br />
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So that's what it's been the last 9 months, excavating.<br />
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Having a child challenges your thinking on most things. What sort of faith environment do we want our daughter to experience? What kind of messages do we want her to receive as she grows up?<br />
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I learned a lot of great faith lessons throughout my formative years and my closest relationships were formed through church. I'm grateful for my evangelical upbringing and my spiritual framework.<br />
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However, I absorbed some negative lessons that I'm trying to undo and don't want to pass on. Explicitly and implicitly, the Christian subculture propagated battles of culture wars that I don't think were/are worth it.<br />
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Did you know that committed Christians can also be Democrats, gay, pro-choice, feminists, and pacificists? I didn't get that memo from much of my church experience.<br />
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So now that we've chosen to be a part of a worship community that is, in many ways, radically different from the churches of my youth, I feel rather untethered. It feels like I'm being unfaithful to my church tradition, cheating on my subculture and disappointing my family.<br />
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Quakers favor equality so much that they don't even have a hierarchy (all are equal in the family of God, and even my 2-year-old daughter is considered a minister). The idea that a woman couldn't be a leader in ministry would be ludicrous. They are LGBTQ affirming - meaning they don't just think it's not the worst thing to not be straight, LGBTQ folks are actually full and open members/ministers. As peace is a cornerstone of Quakerism, there are no battle cries of winning souls and culture. The Bible is the most important spiritual text, but might not be 100% accurate, and the Q'uran and Buddha have some useful things to say. In a silent meeting, no one is going to spell out the Gospel, but they trust the Spirit. Heaven and hell aren't clearly defined and the Light doesn't stop extending past those who tick all the boxes of traditional Christian tasks.<br />
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I had hoped Quakerism would be a nice break. But it's a challenge. I have to take more responsibility for my spiritual growth than when I followed the outline provided in previous churches. I have to evaluate, with more openness, the Light in others.<br />
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I also struggle to communicate this without sounding like I've somehow left Christianity altogether. Or that I think those faithful to evangelical churches and the associated tenets are delusional, misinformed, or hateful. Each time we would visit a church, we'd say something like, "I can tell God is working here and I can see why this works for the people who are a part of it." It just doesn't have to work for us.<br />
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God is everlasting but institutions aren't. The way we interpret the Bible and hear Jesus and teach each other is subjective. Changing hopefully means growth, not regression. We could decide to try something different altogether sometime soon (Mennonite? Church of England?).<br />
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We are all seeking God in our way, together. This should be a reason for joy and comfort - a way positively tie us to our past and move us forward in Love.<br />
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<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-53737027039959142952015-12-12T15:34:00.000-08:002015-12-12T15:34:22.820-08:00Comics I Love: Ms Marvel<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Last year for Christmas, LKH got me a pretty amazing gift, a year-long subscription to <a href="http://marvel.com/comics/unlimited">Marvel Unlimited</a>, Marvel Comics' online reading service that gives users access to all of Marvels digital comics up to about six months ago. It is an amazing service for comic fans like me who haven't collected in a long time and want to catch up with all their old favourites.<br />
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Aside from the joy of catching up with X-Men and Spider-Man, I was able to read the first arc in one of Marvel's recently launched titles, <i><a href="http://marvel.com/comics/series/18468/ms_marvel_2014_-_present">Ms. Marvel</a></i>. I am a little late to the Kamala Khan love-fest, but this book is too good not to add my praises.<br />
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If you are a comics fan, you have surely heard of Kamala Khan by this point. She is one of the most high profile characters Marvel has introduced in years, and critics have lauded the book. For any of you uninitiated to its marvels (see what I did there), Kamala is a Pakistani-American teen growing up in her hometown of Jersey City. She is exposed to Terrigen Mists (a common source for superpowers in the Marvel Universe), and she gains the ability to alter her size and shape. This is a dream come true for Kamala who is a total superhero fangirl and takes on the recently abandoned codename of her idol, Carol Danvers (now known as <a href="http://marvel.com/characters/9/captain_marvel">Captain Marvel</a> - another book you should check out). She protects her hometown from superhuman threats while trying to live a normal teenage life.<br />
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Her comic has the most parallels to early Spider-Man, but what makes it particularly interesting is that it adds an element that is often lacking from superhero comics, religious faith. Kamala is Muslim, and her faith and Pakistani heritage play large roles in her identity as much as she wrestles with both. It is refreshing to see a comic deal with religion in such a respectful and thoughtful way. Given that the editor, Sana Amanat, used inspiration from her own life in the creation of the character, and that she hired another Muslim woman, G. Willow Wilson, to write the book, it should be no surprise that the character's personal life feels so particularly well developed. (I should also take a quick moment to mention how much I love Adrian Alphona's art in this book as well.)<br />
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What I love most about the book is how normal her adolescent struggles are, starting with her relationships. Her parents are loving, but she finds them overprotective. Her brother is very devout, and she thinks this is a bit weird. Her female best friend is rebellious, which she admires though she tends to be a bit more of a rule follower. Her male best friend annoys her most of the time though he also helps her quite a bit and harbours a secret crush.<br />
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After hearing all the accolades about this new hero, I was intrigued, but I was probably most surprised by how much I could relate my own life to hers. She is a good kid who is a complete nerd and makes good grades. (Sounds familiar.) She is devoted to her faith though some aspects of it really drive her crazy. (Yeah, been there.) She wants to make a positive difference in her community, and she abhors violence. (This is starting to be a little too familiar.)<br />
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I worried Marvel might tokenise her a little, particularly with all they did to promote the book, but the artists working on this have far too much respect for the character and what she represents to allow that. Instead they have created a character who normalises the experiences of adolescents from minority backgrounds. It is hard to imagine anyone reading this book and not being able to relate to it in some way, and it is almost as hard to imagine them not loving Kamala almost immediately. We need more positive portrayals of Muslims in popular culture, and <i>Ms. Marvel</i> sets the standard.<br />
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Minor spoilers ahead: My favourite part of the first arc is early on when Kamala first gains her powers. She cannot control them consciously and has accidentally transformed into the likeness of Carol Danvers, her idol. Her response is surprising, even to herself. She always assumed that being white, blonde, beautiful, and powerful would solve all her problems. She idealised whiteness and heroism. When she finds herself in Ms Marvel's body, she is actually disturbed. She isn't Kamala anymore, and the tight fitting clothes are embarrassing. She feels like an imposter and wants to go back to normal. In just a few masterful panels, this book captures so poignantly the coming of age and assimilation issues that many minority teens face. From that point on, I was hooked. Her team up with Wolverine later on in the arc is another highlight as it forces her to consider whether it is possible to be a superhero without resorting to violence to protect people.<br />
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I also love the dorky humour in this book. It deals with serious issues, but the humour prevents it from becoming too heavy-handed. It also just makes it really fun to read. When the latest issue appears in my library, I am always very excited to jump in. That says quite a bit about the quality of the book because I am clearly not the target audience.<br />
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When Dash is old enough for comics, this is the first one I want to introduce her to. There are few other superheroes I would more want her to emulate.<br />
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EKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11248323151082635967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-54858178979496133482015-10-25T14:56:00.001-07:002015-10-25T14:58:59.793-07:00Toddler Traveler ChallengesTravel has always been an important part of our lives and we have been determined to keep it up since we brought a child into our world. Living in London, frequent work breaks, budgeting, travel experience and a child with an adventurous/adaptable temperament have all made this possible.<br />
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That's not to say it comes without challenges. Here are some things our 2-year-old did on our latest holiday to Edinburgh:<br />
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* We began our drive at 4 - she fell asleep immediately for 2 hours. By the time we stopped for dinner and got back in the car, she was wide awake and impossible to entertain for the dark hours (enter cartoons on the iPad - she probably had it planned that way).<br />
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* The Edinburgh Zoo has two pandas (there are only 6 in Europe). You have to book tickets ahead of time in 15-minute increments to see them. It's a huge deal and the pandas are so cute. As we listened to the keeper talk in the panda exhibit, Dash laid down on the floor and shouted, "no pandas! want see monkeys!"<br />
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* Laying down in protest is apparently her new thing - which was inconvenient because she did it just about everywhere. On busy Princes Street, at the coast, in abbey ruins, at the park (because it wasn't a playground), on multiple sidewalks, etc. The best incident occurred in the throne room of Hollyrood Palace. It's almost like she was saying, "I'm the queen!"<br />
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* We rarely stay in hotels anymore because it's cheaper to rent an apartment, nice to have more than one room and (perhaps most importantly) we don't have to tidy up before we leave in the mornings. Dash left this place relatively intact - apart from drawing on the door, flooding the bathroom (by pouring cups of water from the bath tap on the floor) and getting her fingers stuck in the closet.<br />
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* Her preferred mode of transportation is for us to carry her - but not in a proper carrier because that's too restrictive. The stroller is fine for a bit, walking is ok for a while. But she wants to be carried on our hip or maybe Daddy's shoulders. To entice her to walk, we made up games. Like, we picked up a handful of leaves and promised to throw them if she walked to the lamppost. Or, we hid behind stone pillars at the palace so she would chase us there. It got a little ridiculous.<br />
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Really, all of these things would have occurred at home. Insert "supermarket" for "throne room" or "local sidewalk" for "Princes Street," etc., you get the idea. Why not be somewhere different and interesting for these antics?LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-46963194070087703712015-10-09T15:28:00.000-07:002015-10-09T16:19:02.559-07:00Dear George Ezra: Your Biggest Fan is a Two-year-old Girl<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My two-year-old daughter, Daphne, is truly your biggest fan.</div>
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As an infant, Daphne hated the car. Driving was the worst kind of torture for all of us. In an attempt to soothe everyone, I put on <i>Wanted on Voyage</i>. For some reason or another, she decided she liked you. So your CD stayed in the car, on repeat.<br />
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By the time she turned one, my husband and I made sure we had your album on our phones at the ready. It calmed her down, made her smile and helped everyone breathe. When my parents came to visit, they frantically asked, "What's the name of the artist she likes so we can download?"<br />
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It's a kind of magic. I wish we had video of how, mid-meltdown, we'd turn on one of your songs and she'd stop crying. Or how she'd wiggle her shoulders to your music before she could stand.<br />
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By the time she could talk, she began to request you. "Ezwa?"<br />
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I'm not a fan of "kid" music, so I'm ever so grateful that she latched onto you. No "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" here - just "Blame it on Me." Songs 1-6 are her favourite. Sometimes we get to 7 and she fusses for us to start over. "Cassio" is perhaps the best, as we change it to "Daphne-o." Each time we try to introduce a new artist, she protests.<br />
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She is much too impatient to wait between songs. "More! More!" she exclaims during the five-second break.<br />
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It's fitting that she decided to love a travel-themed album. We've taken her to six countries and even been to Budapest so far - taking you with us everywhere.<br />
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So, thank you. Thank you for making my daughter so happy. Thank you for not making us listen to kid songs over and over. Thank you for creating music that delights a very special little girl and inspires her parents.<br />
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<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-6408905466615118532015-07-13T22:59:00.001-07:002015-07-13T22:59:05.549-07:00Breastfeeding: the EndingI heard very few weaning stories before it was time for Dash and I to finish our nursing relationship. More would have been helpful, so here's mine.<br />
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I hoped to breastfeed for two years (or longer), given the research I had done about the health and psychological benefits for both of us. I also said I would breastfeed for as long as it was good for both of us, even if that didn't meet my timeframe.<br />
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After I got through the first three months of feeding, breastfeeding honestly didn't feel like a chore. We had an incredible bond, my husband was incredibly supportive and (bonus) I ate whatever I wanted and lost weight. As I was on maternity leave for a year (thanks, England!), she was with me all the time and bf on demand made her disdain for bottle easier to cope with. I was lucky and had few issues (an early tongue tie, mastitis once) and even though she fed every few hours day and night it was such a part of the rhythm of my life that I didn't mind so much. Of course, I had my moments/days of wanting to stop immediately because I felt she was sucking the life out of me, but those were few and far between.<br />
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At ten months, I was over night feeding and we did Jay Gordon's gentle night weaning program which worked well for us. I occasionally fed her during the night (especially during times of teething or travel), but for the most part, continued to nurse D throughout the day whenever she asked.<br />
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Around 14 months, I dropped to three feeds per day - morning, afternoon and night. This was good for my part-time teaching schedule and made me feel more freedom. Again, this wasn't a hard and fast rule, but a general pattern. I also stopped feeding from the right side as my milk supply had basically dried up and she always preferred the left anyway.<br />
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Around 18 months, she started going to sleep on her own. Although she didn't need me to feed her to sleep since about a year, I did much of the time because it was easy and special. But she suddenly started sleeping better and began to enjoy a little time on her own before sleep at night. She slept longer stretches (which made me feel great because I had heard from soooo many people that breastfed babies don't sleep well and weaning them is what changes that). All of this occurred as the natural progression of her independence.<br />
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As she was losing interest in breastfeeding and I was losing patience with it, I dropped the afternoon feed and shortly thereafter dropped the morning. At that point, it was clear that we were both ready to end that part of our relationship, but I went back and forth about it.<br />
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At 19 months, I planned for my last feed to be the night before our two-week spring break started and my parents arrived for a long visit. I figured this process was going to be harder on me than it was on Dash, so I wanted the extra support of my family and the distraction of a holiday.<br />
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I didn't know how insane the hormonal change would make me feel. I got terrible acne (worse than when I was pregnant) and ugly cried on multiple occasions. Emotionally, the grief was so intense that I felt like someone was dying. I was mourning the end of this relationship (with a hefty dose of hormones). I had shared my body with my baby for nearly 10 months of pregnancy and 20 months of breastfeeding. As we don't plan to have another biological baby, I knew this would be my only experience.<br />
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The second to last feed was actually the hardest. I don't know why necessarily. Our last time nursing was a Friday, and we spent the whole day together. We went to lunch and shopping (I bought myself a weaning present) and took a cuddle nap. My partner was working that night so we had a quick, sweet (except that she bit me for the first time in ages) feed in the "milk chair" and that was that.<br />
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My parents arrived, E and I spent the night away together, and then we all went on a trip. I was happy, my skin was clearing and I had come to terms with the decision to stop breastfeeding. Because I stopped so gradually, I had no pain or soreness.<br />
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Dash's grief hadn't caught up to her until Easter Sunday, nearly 10 days after the last feed. She was rather ill and overstimulated and overtired and she reverted. She asked me for milk, lunged for my breast and sobbed when I said that milk was all done. She wouldn't let me even hold her, so I laid on the bed next to her and we both cried ourselves to sleep. It was <i>awful</i>.<br />
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I went to my parent's hotel room and climbed in bed next to my mom. She assured me that I was a good mom, I had had a special nursing relationship and there would be other transitions in our mother/daughter relationship that would be much more challenging than this one (like when your daughter moves away to England - not that she's still upset about that :). Dash woke up happy and played with the grandparents while Eric held me as I watched hours of TV, exhausted.<br />
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After Easter, all was well. This transition sounds dramatic because it was for me... I know others for whom it's been more smooth and others for whom it's been more painful because it wasn't their choice. I am SO glad I have pictures of Dash feeding at my breast. I recommend all mamas take photos of their babies feeding (breast, bottle, whatever) because it is such a huge and defining part of your life.<br />
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Thankfully, Dash still likes to drink her milk in my lap, cuddled in the nursing position (for a few moments anyway). I treasure my nursling.LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-62478800541377356322015-05-29T14:43:00.005-07:002015-05-29T14:43:56.687-07:00Rambling poemHope is a wellspring.<br />
Love is indeterminant.<br />
Exhausted.<br />
Betrayed.<br />
Belittled.<br />
Outraged.<br />
Harassed.<br />
Extricated.<br />
Underappreciated.<br />
Rising above it all because I'm still worthwhile.<br />
Finding new paths.<br />
The best revenge is a life well lived.<br />
Hope is a waterfall.<br />
Love is hard.<br />
Growing up,<br />
Growing older,<br />
Growing together,<br />
Growing apart.<br />
Small unit strengthens and it's enough.<br />
Tragedy is not an event.<br />
Racism is not past.<br />
Terror is not what we think it is.<br />
Just so tired.<br />
Even dreams aren't restful.<br />
Solace.<br />
Strength.<br />
Stillness.<br />
Silence.<br />
Friends are my society.<br />
Stillness can be moving.<br />
Peace can be empowering.<br />
Real justice is not earthly.<br />
Reconsidering spirituality and it's not scary.<br />
Christ is still center but there's no belt on my bible.<br />
Becoming an Ally.<br />
Or trying.<br />
Hope is a rainy day.<br />
The Gospel is peace.<br />
My uncertainty might be strength.<br />
Take a risk.<br />
Suffer judgement.<br />
Seek equality.<br />
Endure scorn.<br />
Few are willing to stand up.<br />
Injustice is overwhelming.<br />
Paralyzed by the fear that I contribute.<br />
But not enough to make all the changes.<br />
How many lives.<br />
Hope is a river.<br />
Blue eyes, curly hair.<br />
Curious.<br />
Stubborn.<br />
Soulful.<br />
So much love.<br />
Moving onwards,<br />
Moving upwards.<br />
Coming to terms and still unsettled.<br />
Clinging to hope.<br />
Holding to love.<br />
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<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-8450125351123883872015-03-24T15:23:00.000-07:002015-03-24T15:23:00.070-07:00Travel Tip Tuesday: Piqued InterestA few years ago, I was watching a programme of house hunters searching for a holiday home in Slovenia. I had never heard of Slovenia. I was kind of embarrassed about that because it looked so beautiful. We are finally going to make our way there on an upcoming holiday.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyAHqPCHUBtU5sb73UTquWFJUhwi_1ao668gEElj8sTDJAUWSQpOwgZ92gyvtMgUFJelXQKaXuu9r5gDdBS-g8SAjr_ncyDD-XceeiYmfbGz5xURyiVVGyV17Z3buqiozQM_v9we6v5752/s1600/14205778110_89c94f7ca4_m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyAHqPCHUBtU5sb73UTquWFJUhwi_1ao668gEElj8sTDJAUWSQpOwgZ92gyvtMgUFJelXQKaXuu9r5gDdBS-g8SAjr_ncyDD-XceeiYmfbGz5xURyiVVGyV17Z3buqiozQM_v9we6v5752/s1600/14205778110_89c94f7ca4_m.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://flic.kr/p/nDjjUN" target="_blank">Lake Bled, Slovenia</a> by Mark Gregory via Flickr</td></tr>
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When I mentioned to a friend that we would be in France for Christmas, she said she'd be in Aix-en-Provence with her family if we wanted to meet up. I knew not one thing about Aix, but her description got me interested and after a bit or research we decided to spend four days there. What a charming town!<br />
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"Budapest is the new Prague" said a friend of a friend. This was kind of a ridiculous thing to say, but it perked my ears to both cities. I looked them both up, we went eventually to both and loved them.<br />
<br />
All this to say inspiration for travel can come from a number of places. In my early galavanting across Europe I stuck to the tried and true London, Paris and Italy plan. I thoroughly enjoyed those trips but am glad to have ventured further from the norm.<br />
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<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-61236245023799361122015-03-17T15:15:00.000-07:002015-03-17T15:15:00.352-07:00Travel Tip Tuesday: Apartment and House RentalWe love hotels. We especially love how comfortable they are and that someone cleans your room for you every day.<br />
<br />
But when we added a child to our travel list we started to see the benefit of more than one room, a kitchen and a home base.<br />
<br />
It also turns out that it can be quite a bit cheaper.<br />
<br />
Then there's the added bonus of staying in a residential area. You get a flavour of local life instead of sequestered holiday life.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuxzHEqLrdzENNbbk1RmDXV08Apv42ZwJD-tjJTnYlDb_ePde4lwJqF9S4WGV87RrnDGO4uLg9xgN2TrElBLffcehOjcbzZf5jdWKrjji9yVIdwgPHwEPVx7S5i6pmcELHp6KMiTAQ_qnZ/s1600/5818589908_8cd6322308_m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuxzHEqLrdzENNbbk1RmDXV08Apv42ZwJD-tjJTnYlDb_ePde4lwJqF9S4WGV87RrnDGO4uLg9xgN2TrElBLffcehOjcbzZf5jdWKrjji9yVIdwgPHwEPVx7S5i6pmcELHp6KMiTAQ_qnZ/s1600/5818589908_8cd6322308_m.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
We have stayed in a second floor city apartment (with two sets of stairs before you reached the elevator, which was a good workout with a stroller), a fishing cottage, a basement level duplex on a cobblestone street, a historic home in a small town and an efficiency by a bowling alley (that one wasn't great, but it was cheap).<br />
<br />
Sites we like:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://homeaway.co.uk/" target="_blank">Homeaway</a><br />
<a href="http://airbnb.co.uk/" target="_blank">Airbnb</a><br />
<a href="http://www.booking.com/" target="_blank">Booking</a><br />
<a href="http://www.expedia.com/" target="_blank">Expedia</a><br />
<a href="http://www.flipkey.com/" target="_blank">Flipkey</a><br />
<br />
It's also wise to ask your international friends or peruse house-swapping forums. You might get lucky!LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-63293368363878962722015-03-10T15:05:00.000-07:002015-03-10T15:05:00.804-07:00Travel Tip Tuesday: Packing InventoryOne of the biggest time-savers to packing is to take inventory of your travel items while you are actually on holiday so you can prepare for the next time.<br />
<br />
I put a piece of paper in my toiletries kit so I can record what I've run out of. It's usually a pretty boring list like toothpaste, deodorant and q-tips. But it saves me time and also the threat of oversight. I also look through my carry-on for things like gum and chapstick that always seem to disappear.<br />
<br />
I also try to do shopping to replace such items pretty soon after we return home. This will not rule out the possibility of a run to the drugstore the night before our next trip but it takes away some of the headache.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMR-v__TCwCLvTq1l37I1HT4WatIvyKdyjss-X2KYAGrf7uWsnLy8Ismr-nxuSYjfKng0_cEIydXHf0XpgEpUTUtC8Ao6hy9jjGsLs7PuFrrbFfLqJMZ3a-fZWHTWjcG4sb2_q60-MxcBS/s1600/5321071422_f488af3810_m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMR-v__TCwCLvTq1l37I1HT4WatIvyKdyjss-X2KYAGrf7uWsnLy8Ismr-nxuSYjfKng0_cEIydXHf0XpgEpUTUtC8Ao6hy9jjGsLs7PuFrrbFfLqJMZ3a-fZWHTWjcG4sb2_q60-MxcBS/s1600/5321071422_f488af3810_m.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://flic.kr/p/97cT9J" target="_blank">Lindsay_NYC</a> via Flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-68190188428935025042015-03-03T14:41:00.000-08:002015-03-03T14:41:00.501-08:00Travel Tip Tuesday: Monthly BudgetI start planning for a trip months in advance. This gives me a concrete holiday to look forward to and allows us to spread out the cost.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1WAHfvhDShk9TE0bgcw5m3on1UHDpOLZoLkC5l-ExkQ1PjQ79jLBcyA52jmHihtuUb1piS1PKNJmkZangldnXpWGKLe7ckH0ATdxApxeGLDoMfIMKj8L_KxZ7ZJ0fvQidUW5_cfcft1Fn/s1600/11325314134_2d5a801936_m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1WAHfvhDShk9TE0bgcw5m3on1UHDpOLZoLkC5l-ExkQ1PjQ79jLBcyA52jmHihtuUb1piS1PKNJmkZangldnXpWGKLe7ckH0ATdxApxeGLDoMfIMKj8L_KxZ7ZJ0fvQidUW5_cfcft1Fn/s1600/11325314134_2d5a801936_m.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"<a href="https://flic.kr/p/ifMcjN" target="_blank">Calendar of Modern Times</a>" by Kristoffersonschach via Flickr<br /><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
For example, I purchase the plane tickets one month, accommodation the next and items needed for travel the next. You don't quite feel the weight of it that way.<br />
<br />
Of course, if you are disciplined you could just save money over a period of months and purchase everything at once. But this is more realistic for me!LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-77412793245250147732015-02-26T14:35:00.000-08:002015-02-26T14:35:12.526-08:00Write SomethingWhen I was writing my dissertation, I often had trouble getting started on any given day. My adviser gave me this advice: "Write something, anything." Sometimes I would write the worst sentence or work on a footnote and edit a passage from the day before, but it got me started.<br />
<br />
I have a rather odd case of writer's block these days.<br />
<br />
It's not that I don't have things to say - because I always have things to say. I am not devoid of opinions or analyses or conjectures.<br />
<br />
It's not that I don't like to write - because I do. It's always been cathartic for me. I love words and putting them together and bringing my thoughts to a page.<br />
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It's not even that I'm overwhelmed. It would be easy for me to say that motherhood, work, relationships, expat life and everything else going on in my life is just too much. But it's not.<br />
<br />
It's more that I'm underwhelmed.<br />
<br />
<br />
My life is great. My little family is the centre of my world, I enjoy my part-time teaching (for the most part) and I get to travel a lot. Why not write about that?<br />
<br />
I have several articles by bloggers and journalists and psychologists. The wealth of information available on every topic is crazy. At times, I feel buried under all this info. But much of the time I shut off from it.<br />
<br />
I'm underwhelmed by opinions on every-little-thing. I believe my voice matters and I think my experiences could help other people. But I just feel like I want to shrug my shoulders at all this content.<br />
<br />
This is a rambly way to say that I actually appreciate the diversity of published opinions but I also think it's not enough for me.<br />
<br />
What does this have to do with my writer's block?<br />
<br />
I want to get over it.<br />
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I journaled extensively from age 15 and have shelves of bound books filled with hand-writing from my teenage years. I recognize the intrinsic value of writing and even if I feel a bit "meh" about the whole thing, it makes me feel better.<br />
<br />
I write on this forum to semi-publicly share my thoughts and pretend like I have an audience. It's good for me to write something, write anything.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-42263511844036315892015-02-21T14:16:00.000-08:002015-02-21T14:16:42.231-08:00Baby Wearing <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm asked a lot about baby-wearing - specifically what carriers I recommend.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The benefits of baby-wearing are immense. I loved the bonding, the convenience and the freedom. Wearing a baby helped stave off post-natal depression as it allowed me to get things done, get out of the house and provided closeness with my baby that fostered lots of oxytocin! I have great memories of navigating giant crowds at Christmas markets and </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here's some info on babywearing:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.dolcinowraps.com/why_wear_baby_4.html" target="_blank">Why Wear a Baby?</a><a href="http://www.dolcinowraps.com/why_wear_baby_4.html"><br /></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/laura_simeon.html" target="_blank">Baby Wearing basics</a><a href="http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/laura_simeon.html"><br /></a></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have found that it takes practice and it's helpful to try it most days - it gets them more comfortable and helps you build up your muscles. They also might need different wraps for different stages/moods.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was gifted several carriers so I got to try a number of different ones. If I was going to buy just two, I'd go with a ring sling and a soft-structured carrier.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ring slings can be put on with one hand, which is convenient because you're often holding a baby. It's small so I throw it in my bag or stroller in case I need to wear her. Be sure to get one with a woven fabric as it's more secure and one with a long tail of fabric. I have a <a href="http://www.diva-milano.com/ring-slings/" target="_blank">Diva Milano</a> and love it:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We also love our soft-structured carrier. <a href="http://store.ergobaby.com/" target="_blank">Ergo</a> and <a href="http://lillebaby.com/" target="_blank">Lillebaby</a> are great. They are easy to put on and provide equally distributed weight. We have toured Chicago, hiked in the Alps and spent long days in London with ours. I recommend the "all-seasons" variety that zips open to a mesh back for the summer. </span><br />
<br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;" />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-7882699529173646372015-02-04T13:28:00.000-08:002015-02-04T22:57:52.155-08:00Naked Worship<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://www.bristolquakers.org.uk/media/quaker-peace-garden.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.bristolquakers.org.uk/media/quaker-peace-garden.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
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Quaker worship. One hour of silence. No hymns. No sermon. No
prayers. No creeds. Just silence. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Occasionally someone shares a vocal ministry, perhaps a
reading from Scripture or <a href="http://www.quaker.org.uk/advices">Advices and Queries</a>, a Quaker devotional book.
Quakers are encouraged to keep their vocal ministries brief and personal, no
sermonizing. Sometimes we will go for several meetings with the only vocal
ministry being my one-and-a-half-year-old daughter giggling or beckoning at
something. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We have been attending our local Quaker meeting fairly
regularly for the past five months. How has my faith journey led me to this
place, seated in silence for one hour, seeking the Light of God’s truth without
the aid of a minister, worship leader, or liturgy?<o:p></o:p></div>
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I come from a typical evangelical Christian background. The
only thing unusual about it was that I was never really tied to any particular
denomination. There probably isn’t a major strand of traditional Christianity
that I haven’t had some experience with, one exception being the Religious Society
of Friends (aka Quakers). I had been a distant admirer of Quakers, but until
five months ago, I wasn’t quite ready for the one hour of silence.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The reasons are complicated and probably not completely
relevant to this story, but I had reached a point in my faith where Sunday
morning worship services had become somewhat stale. I was mostly bored and
annoyed. The sermons were sounding redundant, and the songs were sounding
indiscernible, and I just wasn’t encountering God. If this is not your personal
experience with traditional Christianity, bear with me; it hadn’t been mine
either for the most part in my previous 33 years of attending church. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The problem wasn’t necessarily with the worship services or
churches we attended and visited. To put it briefly, God was leading us to
Quakerism. For a long time, I have admired Quakers for their tireless work for
<a href="http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/1947/press.html">peace</a>. I admired their love for all people, regardless of religion, gender, or
sexuality. I admired their desire for simplicity. But until I was desperate
enough for God that I was willing to sit in silence for an hour among
strangers, I would remain a distant admirer. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Before I go on, I should point out that there is quite a
wide range of Quaker expressions, and I can’t really tell you much about other
groups outside the UK. We attend an unprogrammed meeting, meaning it is silent
and has no minister. That is not always the case though it seems to be the norm
in the UK.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am not entirely sure what I expected Quakerism to be like
when I first attended meeting. I must admit that I liked the idea of not having
to hear a sermon and not having to sing hymns written in keys that only some
songbirds can comfortably master. Our local meeting has no real hierarchical
structure or formal leadership, and this was also rather attractive to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The one sticking point for me was that Quaker beliefs seemed
so nebulous. Although rooted in Christianity, many Quakers welcome the
teachings of other religions as well. While I have a great deal of respect for
other religions, I am often barely comfortable with my own and wasn’t sure I
wanted to pile on dozens more. I suppose I imagined a bunch of people sitting
around thinking about whatever they wanted for an hour and feeling really good
about how tolerant and open-minded they all were.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The reality is quite different. Quakers choose to keep their
religious practices and beliefs simple—follow Christ. If a Buddhist proverb
teaches about the value of forgiveness, or a verse from the Koran talks about
working toward peace, such teachings are welcome. Quakers value simplicity, so
their list of beliefs and values is pretty short and clear—love, peace,
forgiveness, <o:p></o:p></div>
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I assumed Quakerism would be easy. Because of the lack of
noise, there would be nothing to annoy or anger me. Because of the lack of
hierarchy, there would be no abuse of power. Because of the lack of creeds,
there would be no guilt.<o:p></o:p></div>
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What I found instead is that Quakerism is hard, really hard.
The lack of noise leaves me naked before God, all my thoughts and feelings exposed
to the Light of truth. The lack of hierarchy leaves me with no one to blame for
my frustrations and outrage except myself. The lack of creeds forces me to seek
God for truth instead of trying to find a song lyric or Bible verse to make me
feel better about my faith.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Quaker daily practice and worship are tied together. The
second item in the Advices and Queries states this clearly: <o:p></o:p></div>
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Bring the whole of your life
under the ordering of the spirit of Christ. Are you open the healing power of
God’s love? Cherish that of God within you, so that this love may grow in you
and guide you. Let your worship and daily life enrich each other. Treasure your
experience of God, however it comes to you. Remember that Christianity is not a
notion but a way.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As God strips my faith down to its essentials, seemingly simple
advice like this becomes quite challenging.<o:p></o:p></div>
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There is a practical reason for Quakers’ intertwining of
daily life and worship: those things that fill my daily life also fill my
thoughts during worship. I thought silent worship would mean that I would no
longer be annoyed by distractions, but they are still there. Now I only have
myself to blame for them; I can’t get upset with a pastor or praise team. <o:p></o:p></div>
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If I sit in meeting for worship for thirty minutes only
thinking about work or comic books, it becomes pretty clear what the focus of
my life and worship really is. Quakers recognize these distractions are a
normal part of worship and warn against allowing them to become sources of
guilt and despair, but with my soul laid bare in silence, I cannot hide the
fact that my life is not often “under the ordering of the spirit of Christ.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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During these times of distraction, I often turn to the Bible
or the Advices for a way to focus. The Advices are particularly tricky because
of their simple truth and straightforward questions. A typical item in the
Advices will start with questions like, “Are you always honest? Do you cherish
your friendships? Do you cultivate peace in all your relationships?” My
simplest answer: “No.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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In the past I rarely had to admit such a simple truth. If I
wasn’t loving my neighbor, I could compensate by going to church more often.
Church activities gave me countless ways to build up my spiritual ego: I could
be a star Sunday school student or attend a mission trip to Mexico. After 33
years I had gotten pretty good at being a Christian without really needing to
be like Christ.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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The simplicity of Quakerism is the most challenging part. It
means I have little opportunity for ego building and must focus only on being
like Christ in the most basic ways—loving God and my neighbor, serving those in
need, forgiving those who wrong me. The problem is that these aren’t really all
that basic. They are really hard. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I kind of just wish I could keep being angry at the person
who wronged me earlier in the week and feel better about it on Sunday morning
by singing “Make Me a Channel of Your Peace” really loudly with my eyes closed
to show I really mean it. When my faith is stripped of all the nonessentials,
it doesn’t really seem like much at all. And when I feel small and naked before
God, all I can do is stand in helpless awe, an act of true worship.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Here is the bare truth. I expected that Quakerism would
possibly put me on a path towards a spiritual enlightenment that would
transcend Christianity, a religion I thought I was beginning to outgrow. Instead
it has showed me how much Christ I lack. It has stripped me of my robes and crowns
and left me exposed to the light of truth. I hope that light will shine in me
and through me with greater intensity now that I have one less place to hide.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
EKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11248323151082635967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-28477166273452041092014-12-28T15:08:00.003-08:002014-12-28T15:08:51.513-08:00You Are a Good MomSeveral years ago, I told a friend that her husband was a good dad. He was "hands on", really involved, caring, etc. She said thanks, he was. Then she mentioned that no one ever told her that she's a good mom - she does all the things her husband does, but doesn't get recognition because it's what people expect of mothers. Being a product of a society that places supermom expectations on women and very little expectations on men as fathers, I played right into it.<br />
<br />
There's a hilarious scene in an episode entitled "Crazy Mom" on the ABC sitcom <i>Blackish</i> that illustrates this further. A dad is late to work because he helps out at his kids' school. He gets praise and a pass. A mom is just a bit later, explains that her kid is sick and it took her forever to get out of the house. She gets the stinkeye.<br />
<br />
Now that I'm a mother I see this play out. There have been several times that I've been with Dash all day and stopped by to see Eric at work. He lovingly gives her a cuddle, maybe helps out with something and we part ways. Just about every time, someone will tell what a good dad he is. (He IS a fantastic dad.) I can't think of once in those instances that someone has told me I'm a good mom.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Mother o' Mine" by Nick Kenrick via <a href="https://flic.kr/p/7ZkjyL" target="_blank">Flickr</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
There's a few issues here.<br />
<br />
1) Expectations on women.<br />
I'm not just "doing my job" by looking after Dash. I've made a choice to be her mom and it's often quite difficult. The skill set required is not somehow ingrained in my maternal DNA. The daily steps involved in keeping a tiny human alive and entertained do not happen because I have to be a mom. I'm not performing a role, I'm in a relationship with my child.<br />
<br />
2) Expectations on men.<br />
It makes me sad when folks have such low expectations of men as fathers. At least in my circles, dads are quite involved and those that aren't are considered jerks. Are people really that surprised when fathers are happy to see their children or consider nappy changes part of their responsibilities?<br />
<br />
3) Affirmation goes a long way.<br />
I'm not fishing for compliments and I get a lot of encouragement - my husband, parents, sister and close friends tell me I'm a good mom often enough. But I told a new mother recently that she's a good mom and she nearly cried. Would it hurt to tell both parents they are a good parent? Being a parent is hard and amazing and a little validation goes a long way.<br />
<br />
<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-88450525899712518562014-12-24T14:21:00.002-08:002014-12-24T14:21:41.990-08:00EmmanuelI don't like Advent for the same reason I don't like Lent.<br />
<br />
I don't like the waiting.<br />
<br />
Not because I'm impatient, necessarily (although I am). It's more because I find it rather depressing.<br />
<br />
Emmanuel - God is With Us.<br />
<br />
Growing up, we always put baby Jesus in the manger straight away, when the decorations went up the weekend after Thanksgiving, before Advent even began. He was the centre of the story. (Aside - my dad was, however, a stickler for the historicity of the wise men coming a few years later and therefore gently demanded that they remain outside the stable.)<br />
<br />
We've been to four Christmas markets this year, each in a different city, and seen a creche/Nativity scene in each. Jesus is missing in each one of them. I know it's a big deal to place the symbolic baby in the scene on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day but it just seems weird without him.<br />
<br />
He's with us, right?<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image by Jeff Carter via <a href="https://flic.kr/p/jnWMv7" target="_blank">Flickr</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
This year is a different sort of Christmas observation for us in many ways. For the first time ever, I'm not with my parents and sister. Living abroad and having my own little family necessitates this, at least for this year.<br />
<br />
Also, we haven't attended a traditional carol service or Christmas mass. Due to sickness/travel/work we only made it to one Quaker meeting, and that was last week. The Friends believe that the Inner Light (Holy Spirit) is always in us - there's no waiting for that presence to come, only listening and tuning in.<br />
<br />
Emmanuel.<br />
<br />
So I suppose I haven't been waiting this season. Just trying to take hold of that light, that presence. I'm trying to make sense of a lot of things, trying to live above them.<br />
<br />
So I need Jesus to be here, not to be coming. Because he is, and he has.<br />
<br />
God is with Us.<br />
<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-68919032183306357522014-11-17T14:19:00.002-08:002014-11-17T14:19:20.819-08:00How We CelebratePeople often comment on how clever and thoughtful we are when it comes to our celebrations and gifts. Perhaps we can take a bit of credit for creativity, but the truth is that it's all planned. Every bit of it.<br />
<br />
Some of the best advice we got in premarital counseling was to clearly communicate our expectations to each other. If I had secretly always wanted my husband to give my flowers on my birthday but never actually told him that's what I desired, then I had no right to get upset about it.<br />
<br />
So early on, we set out plans for how we would like to celebrate holidays, birthdays and other occasions. That's not to say there's no room for spontaneity or change, but it does alleviate potential hurt feelings and provide something to look forward to.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image via <a href="https://flic.kr/p/biXXiF" target="_blank">Flickr</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Here are some examples:<br />
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*Valentine's Day - we do a chocolate exchange (yum!)<br />
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*Birthdays - we do surprise gifts (I know, we plan to surprise)<br />
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*Christmas - we request gifts (there are too many other gifts to think of for other people) within a budget<br />
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*Anniversaries - traditional gifts within a budget (so fun to come up with gifts to meet the year)<br />
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On top of our customary gifts, we might request something. This year on my birthday I asked Eric to plan a day trip getaway and keep the location a surprise. This is a major gift because I am a natural planner and therefore organise most of our travel. It doesn't come as organically to him but he does it well, so it's a nice break for me and a big effort on him part.<br />
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These planned traditions do not take away from the romance but add to it, because we trust the other's intentions and don't try to outdo each other. It works well.<br />
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<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-67579841205696314782014-11-05T13:10:00.001-08:002014-12-28T15:09:15.828-08:00Five Reasons I Love TravelWhen I was 17, my grandparents took my family on a trip to Israel. I told the travel guide how excited the whole trip made me, and she told me that traveling gets in your blood. By the end of the trip, it was. I had caught the travel bug, and there was no turning back.<br />
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Since we got married six years ago, my husband and I have visited something like fifteen countries. We save our pences, travel every chance we get and I am always happy we go. Here are some of the reasons I love traveling so much:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSwOmwUwiCWdK-nL2wVORN5pLbRzxJZSj2QB_fUmd_Wrsea4F_YZ3zqo6bvWrnrRRrVxGzAeE-cMmIo21gOwU-vnLE7IDKHwdsoUmJD_lnz18Q430W1sLOtAKoidjUnHyQ403lN9u9BIKy/s1600/IMG_1176.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSwOmwUwiCWdK-nL2wVORN5pLbRzxJZSj2QB_fUmd_Wrsea4F_YZ3zqo6bvWrnrRRrVxGzAeE-cMmIo21gOwU-vnLE7IDKHwdsoUmJD_lnz18Q430W1sLOtAKoidjUnHyQ403lN9u9BIKy/s1600/IMG_1176.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>1) Worldview</b><br />
I like to think that I have a pretty good understanding of the world, but it's not true. Every time I go somewhere, I learn so much. Prejudices I didn't even realise I have get challenged. I discover new ways of thinking, working and speaking. And I appreciate the world's diversity a little more.<br />
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<b>2) Identity</b><br />
Nothing shows me more about what it means to be an American/white/professional/Christian woman than seeing what life looks like through someone else's eyes. I get why people think Americans are loud when I travel via train in Europe. I understand that Christian churches are incredibly different - from the American South to Central America to the Middle East and beyond. And I realise that the U.S. government really is strange when compared to other democracies.<br />
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<b>3) Food</b><br />
We look forward to sampling food from each place we visit. I do not understand people who travel and then go to McDonald's because they are afraid of local cuisine. I have my limits on what I will try, of course. I think you learn a lot about a culture, its values and history through its food.<br />
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<b>4) Challenge</b><br />
Planning a trip, especially to a different country, is like a puzzle. Transport, lodging, meals, sight-seeing, etc. must all be considered. I spend a lot of time finding deals and putting together itineraries - and I love it. My husband enjoys the challenge of getting us around when we are there - following maps, figuring out trains and buses and finding shortcuts. The challenge of communication is always interesting, particularly with a language barrier.<br />
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<b>5) Connection</b><br />
Traveling with someone is an incredible bonding experience. You have stories to tell forever and you learn something about them on levels it's hard to achieve in daily life. I also find that traveling is a great way to connect with myself. Even when I'm with a group, I take some time alone to think and wander and take the opportunity for self-reflection and growth.<br />
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<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-88965150105058550872014-10-15T12:45:00.001-07:002014-10-15T12:45:57.382-07:00Empathic Response<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px;">Empathy is the experience of understanding another person's condition from their perspective. You place yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling. Empathy is known to increase prosocial (helping) behaviors. While American culture might be socializing people into becoming more individualistic rather than empathic, research has uncovered the existence of "mirror neurons," which react to emotions expressed by others and then reproduce them.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;"><i><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/empathy" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">-Psychology Today</span></a></i></span></blockquote>
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After another mum told me she was so tired from waking up twice the night before, I responded by saying something like "if only I just woke up twice! that would be heavenly!"<br />
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After I told another mum that I'd been up every 30 minutes with my little one (who was cutting her molars), she responded that her baby had just cut a tooth and she didn't even notice. My heart sank. I was at the end of my rope exhausted, while those two didn't have any difficulty at all.<br />
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Neither scenario is best.<br />
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I chatted with yet another mum this week who feels disconnected from her birth group because they have all become so competitive. Everyone has a better sleeper, eater, walker, talker, etc. than she does. She doesn't feel supported.<br />
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And then there's toddlers. When "Dash, we eat blueberries, not knives" results in a fit of hysteria, I want to tell her she's ridiculous.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGnUc-8w-PegUNCvs8DSbaGzMtw9Zgr8qTgep4DkVk2kBelYk9rAiJWyksS3F2krjC0hkMH_iSJMNpiyErdQaXrrZA0RyxgDE_cTD0ESv8RpWs72H3bnQ8a2X-D7WgppgvkfR-caDxZ28f/s1600/9418198282_872d0e792f_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGnUc-8w-PegUNCvs8DSbaGzMtw9Zgr8qTgep4DkVk2kBelYk9rAiJWyksS3F2krjC0hkMH_iSJMNpiyErdQaXrrZA0RyxgDE_cTD0ESv8RpWs72H3bnQ8a2X-D7WgppgvkfR-caDxZ28f/s1600/9418198282_872d0e792f_o.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Empathic Lines" by Javier Del Amo Varona via <a href="https://flic.kr/p/fmfJe1" target="_blank">flickr</a></td></tr>
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I've basically decided I don't have the time or energy to be judgemental or competitive. But I do need to make the space to respond with grace.<br />
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No matter how much harder or easier my situation seems at the moment or in the past, I'm trying to respond to the present of my companions. "I'm sorry your sleep was disrupted, that's always difficult" is a better response than immediately dishing out my own concerns, trying to one-up the sleep deprivation. "Dash, I understand that you are confused that you can grab one thing but not the other and you're upset that you can't do something that seems interesting, but I want you to be safe" would be the kind of response that requires me to see things from her perspective, change my tone and support her while still setting boundaries.<br />
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We are wired for empathy, but it's also a learned skill. I'm trying to seize the different levels of practice offered in my life.LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-50099959242193484592014-10-08T13:10:00.002-07:002014-10-08T13:10:16.205-07:00A Midwife's TaleEach year in my American history course, we spend a class day with <i><a href="http://dohistory.org./">dohistory.org</a> </i>discussing the history of midwifery in the United States. Historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich wrote the brilliant book <i>A Midwife's Tale</i> after deciphering the handwriting in Martha Ballard's 27 years of journals. This website allows students to analyse portions of the journal, advertisements, newspaper articles, probate records and other documents that give insight into 18th century American life through the lens of birth.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggx5ml1zALb8VuagfMN8DSXK7YUI0Ql5x5OesU8ilKBJISHGvSBJOnAX9Hd7KU0S8MMhnLjfzwyXbIOQOzAsQDE22nJ5ER36j9KUvq5c28fM-Kntmt5hbXjQMZoTsjUQrsf44-rWQ3Wrgb/s1600/midwife.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggx5ml1zALb8VuagfMN8DSXK7YUI0Ql5x5OesU8ilKBJISHGvSBJOnAX9Hd7KU0S8MMhnLjfzwyXbIOQOzAsQDE22nJ5ER36j9KUvq5c28fM-Kntmt5hbXjQMZoTsjUQrsf44-rWQ3Wrgb/s1600/midwife.jpg" height="320" width="254" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333366; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: italic; text-align: start;">"The 1793 </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333366; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: start;">Man-Mid-Wife</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333366; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: italic; text-align: start;"> cartoon that you see above depicts one view of the controversy in the form of a 'Monster,' a half-male, half-female midwife." <a href="http://dohistory.org/man-midwife/index_alt.html" target="_blank">-dohistory.org</a></span></span></td></tr>
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The sphere of birth was attended almost exclusively by women until the mid-1700s. (This <a href="http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/timeline.asp" target="_blank">timeline</a> offers a good overview of the change over time.) "Man-midwives", male doctors, in the colonies (and Britain) began to compete with midwives. They offered more medical training, used drugs and they cost more so there was a status to it.<br />
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It's interesting to hear the perspective of high school students regarding this history. Most of them have never really thought about birth or questioned how it's done now, so it's a good opportunity to discuss it.<br />
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Of course I don't see male doctors as monsters, nor do I see medicalized birth as a complete tragedy. But I do think it's important to understand the historical context of modern birth. Personally, I'm quite happy I questioned today's practices and sought alternative routes. I believe my own experience was richer for it.<br />
<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-39198706558995343302014-10-02T13:19:00.003-07:002014-10-02T13:19:37.991-07:00Who First?Does my child come first? My husband? Myself? Yes.<br />
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I often hear conflicting advice about care:<br />
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"Put on your own oxygen mask first."<br />
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"Your child is only young once - pour all your energy into her."<br />
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"If your husband doesn't come first, the romance will dwindle and your marriage will decline."<br />
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I actually agree with each of these statements. I just happen to think you can do it all. I prefer to think that my family comes first - all three of us at once.<br />
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Societally, we are so bad at living holistically. We compartmentalise everything. So it can be a challenge to live this way.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie43F6OgnxMWp5_1nsY4k5o5ppokL49AK2zAAJjr6sKB9Nv4dpLVeHWmmHg9SHHQogfLQNy-mHky8xNfHV5I9988L2KhATTy5TDz7BCHN_ecx-wE69pSkfT2mV2T6tepoXXj8DOel-GZkE/s1600/6268656681_db05b980a6_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie43F6OgnxMWp5_1nsY4k5o5ppokL49AK2zAAJjr6sKB9Nv4dpLVeHWmmHg9SHHQogfLQNy-mHky8xNfHV5I9988L2KhATTy5TDz7BCHN_ecx-wE69pSkfT2mV2T6tepoXXj8DOel-GZkE/s1600/6268656681_db05b980a6_z.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo credit: Graham Detonator on <a href="https://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=%22https://www.flickr.com/photos/film_images/6268656681%22%20title=%22Three%20Phases%20Of%20Autumn%20by%20Graham%20Detonator,%20on%20Flickr%22%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22https://farm7.staticflickr.com/6050/6268656681_db05b980a6_s.jpg%22%20width=%2275%22%20height=%2275%22%20alt=%22Three%20Phases%20Of%20Autumn%22%3E%3C/a%3E" target="_blank">flickr</a></td></tr>
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It's really just an extension of our egalitarian relationship. We attempt to operate based on needs and gifts/skills/likes versus role functions. In practical terms, that means that if one of us is working more, the other does more housework. On an emotional level, that means that if one of us is having a particularly difficult time, the other provides more support.<br />
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In our family, I constantly adjust the rhythm of who needs what and when. Obviously, Dash is tiny and cannot meet her own needs. But that doesn't mean I have to meet all those needs. She has her dad and a host of loving family and friends. Some days she needs me more than others - during a developmental leap or during illness, for example. Sometimes Eric needs my undivided attention and that means assuring that Dash will be cared for either with good sleep or someone else. And sometimes I need serious self care, which means I need to trust them both in order to give myself some freedom.<br />
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Each day is give and take. I have time set aside for just me, just me and Dash, just me and Eric and all three of us. But sometimes the days look much different and we all adjust. Open communication (even Dash has her way of communicating needs!) assures we all get what we need and that everyone comes first.<br />
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<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-20885120096035141722014-09-24T14:39:00.001-07:002014-09-28T15:41:14.794-07:00The Ministry of Existence<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">We've been admiring Quakers (also known as the Society of Friends) from afar for some time now. Through studying and teaching U.S. history, I've learned a lot about their origins, development and beliefs. (</span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">History.com</i><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> has a great overview article </span><a href="http://www.history.com/topics/quakers" target="_blank" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">here</a><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> and a fantastic podcast from BBC Radio 4 discusses the history of Quakers in Britain on </span><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01f67y4" target="_blank" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><i>In Our Time </i>with Melvyn Bragg</a><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">.) We love the commitment to peace, justice and equality.</span></div>
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Years ago I met a professor at a Quaker university who explained that her students called her by first name because it demonstrated their belief that all are equal in the family of God. I loved that idea.<br>
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In Houston, we visited the Live Oak Friends Meeting House a few times. The <a href="http://friendshouston.org/skyspace/about" target="_blank">Skyspace</a> there is a breathtaking way to meditate as the sun sets. We attended the <a href="http://houstonpeacefestival.org/" target="_blank">Houston Peace Festival </a>there were I was so impressed at the variety of social justice causes Quakers participate in. A modern dance company performed a piece illustrating a place where different people groups lived in harmony next to one another.<br>
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A few years ago, we toured <a href="http://www.friendshouse.co.uk/" target="_blank">Friends House London</a> a part of <a href="http://www.openhouselondon.org.uk/" target="_blank">Open House London</a>. Again we were impressed to learn about Quaker initiatives and the diversity of Friends.<br>
<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLymtPVuTdAaIG7UmPu5tOO5UDM3BokogVtEQHT1GGkY3ZEiLdZmDYV_67cQJztrv3WKFG0WLrHQ6lMbG_INL0FDwpV8g7nSV7GhMoIu_RwMphqVrcj9fFUvka9qyPiP0fXclngL3uVtFN/s640/blogger-image-1609778010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLymtPVuTdAaIG7UmPu5tOO5UDM3BokogVtEQHT1GGkY3ZEiLdZmDYV_67cQJztrv3WKFG0WLrHQ6lMbG_INL0FDwpV8g7nSV7GhMoIu_RwMphqVrcj9fFUvka9qyPiP0fXclngL3uVtFN/s640/blogger-image-1609778010.jpg"></a></div><br>
We've been in limbo regarding church attendance for a while now. When I got pregnant we hardly went because I was so ill. We felt we had outgrown our church anyway and decided it was time to move on. We have visited churches on and off the last year but never felt connected.<br>
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So a few weeks ago we started visiting Friends meetings again. Quakers in Britain are <a href="http://www.aboutquakers.org.uk/meeting-for-worship/unprogrammed-quaker-worship/" target="_blank">unprogrammed</a>, meaning the meeting is silent. <i><a href="http://www.aboutquakers.org.uk/" target="_blank">AboutQuakers</a></i> describes this as "an active silence of a community gathered together in expectation."<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Bitstream Charter', serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;"> </span>If one feels moved by "Inner Light" to share, they do so. Christ is the light that lives in each of us. There is no single minister because everyone is a minister. The meeting begins when the first person enters the room and ends with the shaking of hands and the exchanging of peace. (If you are really interested in Quaker faith and practice, <i><a href="http://www.quaker.org.uk/advices" target="_blank">Advices and Queries</a></i> is what to read.)<br>
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It's hard to be silent for an hour. It's even hard to be silent for half an hour, which is what we do because one of us takes Dash out of the room (she begins and ends with us in the meeting). The first time neither one of us could settle into it. Years and years of "programmed" religion did not allow much space and time for quiet. Decades of works-based faith (that simultaneously claimed good works don't secure salvation) left me to interpret this sort of silence as "doing nothing."<br>
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But by our second visit, we welcomed the silence. I drank it in, really. I just listened. I struggled. I let go. I felt the Spirit in the room and inside me. It was amazing. Of course I do not expect a magical experience each time, but I am in love with the whole idea of it.<br>
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Everyone said how happy they were to have Dash there, and one woman told me she loved her ministry. My tiny baby has a MINISTRY. Merely because she exists. I have a ministry, because I exist. Eric has a ministry, because he exists. All are equal in the family of God.LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-66231453752165854502014-09-17T13:52:00.000-07:002014-09-17T13:52:08.598-07:00 Why We WriteI've been writing for a long time. I have shelves full of journals at my parents' house starting when I was a pre-teen. I wrote my prayers and poetry and observations to no one in particular. Journaling felt so good. It was a release, a way to process, a way to understand myself and the world.<br />
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Having my stories or poems published felt very important, even if it was just the homeschool newsletter or the community college lit mag.<br />
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Writing meant the most to me when I became ill at 18 with a mystery condition, which left me with chronic fatigue for years. In the years before I was finally diagnosed with Lyme's Disease, writing was a safe haven, and often the only place I could make sense of my feelings.<br />
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Academic writing offered an amazing challenge to bring research and structured essays together. It was also the cause of many late nights and confidence crises. Finally having my <a href="http://primo-pmtna01.hosted.exlibrisgroup.com/primo_library/libweb/action/display.do;jsessionid=0E38FEF198AF7AFA3A5ACDE706524C49?tabs=detailsTab&ct=display&fn=search&doc=UH_IIIa.b50250310&indx=1&recIds=UH_IIIa.b50250310&recIdxs=0&elementId=0&renderMode=poppedOut&displayMode=full&frbrVersion=&dscnt=0&frbg=&tab=default_tab&dstmp=1410986928351&srt=rank&mode=Basic&&dum=true&vl(freeText0)=Kerr-Heraly%2C%20Lauran%20A.%2C%20%E2%80%9CRace%2C%20Gender%2C%20and%20African%20American%20Women%20Doctors%20in%20the%20Twentieth%20Century&vid=UH&gathStatIcon=true" target="_blank">dissertation</a> bound felt like the greatest accomplishment.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJNZ2IU0CgJA0BOzhSgPAeIO1FDkuzMQjOq7fhhi6I3DkSrwrEVSOB1ml-f6XcqZVYh73jJaDmi7iCmBs4XIfaEtlQ-nQppjR2vZ8sEGXJT-m-NOEdZMjw4B_O8k7pmwBOkgapIf9dQxr9/s1600/the+writer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJNZ2IU0CgJA0BOzhSgPAeIO1FDkuzMQjOq7fhhi6I3DkSrwrEVSOB1ml-f6XcqZVYh73jJaDmi7iCmBs4XIfaEtlQ-nQppjR2vZ8sEGXJT-m-NOEdZMjw4B_O8k7pmwBOkgapIf9dQxr9/s1600/the+writer.jpg" height="247" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>The Writer</i>, Ruth Chaney via <a href="http://www.metmuseum.org/collection/the-collection-online/search/374549?rpp=30&pg=2&ft=writer&pos=55" target="_blank">The Met</a></td></tr>
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When I started blogging years ago, it was a small way to share my writing into the ether. It created some sort of accountability, a way to organise my ideas, a platform to offer my little insights.<br />
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So when the world is saturated with blogs and everyone has ideas about everything, I still appreciate having this corner of the internet to put my words on the metaphorical page.<br />
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<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-52688119240090522292013-09-18T13:48:00.002-07:002013-09-18T13:48:54.339-07:00Watch the Baby, Not the Clock<u>Questions</u>:<br />
Is she sleeping through the night?<br />
When's her next feed?<br />
<i>Is she good?</i><br />
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These questions are currently the bane of my existence.<br />
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<u>Answers</u>:<br />
No.<br />
Whenever she wants.<br />
Of course. <i>Because all babies are good.</i><br />
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When Eric and I discussed how we wanted to pursue parenting, it made the most sense to us to be responsive to our child, create a loving, secure environment, and follow our instincts. We feel this to an even greater extent now that we actually have a baby.<br />
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But I underestimated the pressure I'd feel from well-meaning folks about sleep training and feeding schedules. And I definitely didn't realise how most people associate predictable rest and eating patterns with the "goodness" of a baby.<br />
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I'm grateful that the NHS encourages breastfeeding on demand and that UK laws protect my right to breastfeed in public. Overall, I feel I've gotten good lactation support here. I babbled on to the health visitor last week about how breastfeeding is going and she finally stopped me to say, "that all sounds perfectly normal. You're doing fine." I've gotten similar feedback from several sources so I just need to relax about it. As my doula described, I'm a twenty-four hour, multimedia entertainment system as far as Dash is concerned. I can offer food, drink, comfort, relief from boredom, security, and bonding with breastfeeding, which is pretty amazing. So I'm not keen to withhold when she asks. And also - <i>she's only eight weeks old</i>.<br />
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Maybe some people with babies this small are sleeping through the night, but Dash has never gone more than 4 hours in the night without a feed. This bothered me until recently when I just decided not to care. I used to look at the clock every time she woke up to see how long it had been. Why? Thanks to co-sleeping and a miraculous bamboo overnight cloth diaper, neither one of us has to wake up for more than a few minutes.<br />
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She's only going to be a baby for a little while and I don't want to miss a second. Of course I'm fortunate to be on a long maternity leave, but my husband feels the same way and seeks to be mindful of every moment with her. <br />
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<u>Better questions to ask new parents include:</u><br />
What is your favourite thing about parenting?<br />
What surprises you the most about your relationship with your baby?<br />
What have you learned about yourself and/or your partner?<br />
What unique characteristics do you enjoy about your baby?<br />
How can I support you? <br />
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<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-29288575381194764522013-08-31T15:42:00.003-07:002013-08-31T15:42:59.426-07:00Dash's Arrival: Part TwoI had three big fears about birth:<br />
1) A long labour<br />
2) Driving to a hospital with contractions<br />
3) Intervention<br />
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I faced all three before I even got to established labour. And they were all hard, but not as bad as I feared.<br />
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We arrived at the hospital around 9:30 am and got assigned to the Daisy room. I was sobbing when the midwife came in and she shared that her own birth hadn't gone according to plan but it didn't matter now that her son is here. She was very kind. She proceeded to prepare for the induction by doing a vaginal exam and actually told me that I was nearly 4 centimeters (finally!). She said she would ask the OB if I could just proceed as a normal patient if that's what I wanted. The doctor agreed and I cried from relief. No induction drugs! I resolved to deal with the pain of my existing contractions and pursue the birth I hoped for. The hospital only has one room with a birth pool and it happened to be free. It was also the only room that allowed more than two birth partners, so my mom, husband, and doula all got to stay. The midwife told me I could do it. My spirits were lifted.<br />
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The next few hours passed in a haze. I stayed active through the contractions, still exhausted, took some paracetamol, tried gas and air, attempted to snack. It was very hot that day and we were in a room with windows that didn't open and just fans.<br />
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When I got in the pool around 3, it was heaven. The water was a magical pain reliever and it finally allowed me to get some rest. I went into "labour land" and completely zoned out. I used my affirmations and natal hypnotherapy. When the contractions got too intense I would say "help me" and my husband or Mom would squeeze my hand and tell me a travel memory. Each time was some place different and the imagery and pleasant memories helped me through it. I even smiled and laughed through some contractions. One of the midwives said she'd never seem someone so calm.<br />
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I figured things were still going to take forever so I sent my husband to get dinner for himself and my mom. As soon as he got back, the midwife did a check at 6:15. She told me to feel below because my baby was coming! Everyone was so excited. The midwife told me to listen to my body and I would birth my own baby. I breathed and pushed and released for about 45 minutes. Then the midwife told me to kneel back and catch the baby. Bringing her to my chest was one of the greatest moments of my entire existence.<br />
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My husband came alongside and we stared at her and cried. The baby and I stayed in the pool until my husband cut the chord, about 30 minutes. I couldn't believe how she recognized our voices and responded to us. It was all so exhilarating.<br />
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So it wasn't the home birth I'd planned, but it was the peaceful water birth we'd hoped for. I feel really blessed that it turned out the way it did.<br />
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<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4431456049692787511.post-44059378095071406622013-08-21T16:03:00.000-07:002013-08-31T15:43:18.263-07:00Dash's Arrival - Part OneWriting our birth story seems like a rather impossible task, as the experience was so profound that putting it into words seems so banal. But in the words of Anne Morrow Lindbergh, "I must write it all out, at any cost. Writing is... more than living, for it is being conscious of living." I want to be conscious of this life that God created, that DH and I made together, and that I birthed into the world.<br />
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We prepared for this birth with as much sincerity as possible. We hired a doula, read books, did a workshop, exercised, ate (sort of) right, got lots of support, etc. I am so glad we did ALL of it. I will have to do more posts about all we learned about natural/gentle birth because the education process really positively affected the outcome for us.<br />
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In the weeks before my "guess date" I actually felt pretty relaxed. I was fortunate not to be too big and uncomfortable, actually got decent sleep, and generally savoured my time with DH, knowing that it was the last time it would be just the two of us in that way. I repeated the affirmation "babies are born when THEY are ready" and reminded myself that due dates are really just a guess. I also firmly believed that the baby would wait until my mom arrived.<br />
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My mom arrived on Thursday, 18 July and my waters broke that night at 1:00 am. At least I thought it was my water - I didn't know enough about hindwater to be able to tell at the time. I opted not to phone the midwives as I wasn't having contractions. We went about life as normal Friday and Saturday, taking walks and trying to rest. I was starting to get frustrated that nothing happened when finally at 5:30 pm Saturday I had what we determined to be regular contractions, about 15 minutes apart. At 8:00 pm I had a big gush of water and at that point phoned the midwives.<br />
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The midwife on call came over to check me and said all looked well. She was so confident I would progress quickly that she said we'd probably see her again in the morning. She was nice but rather loud and didn't exactly fit my peaceful birth plan. Eric set up the birth pool and I took a shower, put on the TENS machine, and slept until the contractions were too uncomfortable.<br />
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They'd slowed down a bit so I tried to get them going again by bouncing on the pregnancy ball and other various measures. Mom and I watched a few movies on Netflix and the sun came up. Contractions weren't much closer together. My doula said things probably wouldn't get going until the sun went down again - which was unfortunate as in the summer it's after 10 pm. I don't remember much about Sunday, except going for walks down the alley and back, and generally being extremely bored and stir crazy but feeling trapped.<br />
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By the evening, contractions were quite intense but not close enough together. Staying active, singing, and Natal Hypnotherapy helped me through the contractions. We called our doula to come over that evening for support, and the midwife came late in the night to check me. I was only 2 cm, after all that! The only time I got any rest was trying to sleep between contractions, propped up on my side on the couch, listening to the Natal Hypnotherapy CD, and squeezing my mom's hand when the contractions woke me up.<br />
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The midwife came back at 7:30 am Monday morning to check me again, and I had not progressed at all, despite a sleepless night of intense and regular contractions. In Britain, the hospitals have a policy that 36 hours after your waters go, you have to be induced b/c of risk of infection. I really thought I would avoid that, but I couldn't put it off anymore. So Monday morning we got in the car and set for the hospital. I was completely devastated, asking for an epidural, and hoping for a c-section as I had not slept but about 4 hours over 2 days.<br />
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<br />LKHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09369230304159483792noreply@blogger.com0