Reflecting on Reflection

Thanks to a special Blurb (my favorite book-making and self-publishing company) was running, I found the motivation to create a Blog Book for our other blogs - Musings (my personal blog from 2005 through 2/10) and Feminist Fiancee (our engagement blog). I love digital publishing, but I'm wedded to paper preservation for the really important things.

Reading through all my Musings entries was a trip. I have always been a reflective person (and I have shelves full of completed journals to prove it), and it's always interesting to see what the common themes are. My introspection in the Musings years focused on perseverance, justice, love, identity and faith. And school, of course. I began dating Eric about halfway through, so there's a lot of poetry about falling in love and opening myself up to "us".

The themes are basically the same now, but I have a different perspective on things. I'm a bit more settled in who I am and don't feel the constant restlessness about my identity. In all I haven't changed much, but I reflect differently. Most of my reflections are conversations with Eric. I find it harder to take the time to reflect alone, probably because it feels like work. I like who I am, but I don't always want to face the deeper parts of me. The way I talk to God has also changed, and I'm not sure how to articulate that shift. It's easier to comment on gender equality or relationship issues or teaching moments than it is to expound on my own self-awareness.

When I was 17, I spoke to a woman in her late twenties and explained why I wrote poetry and prose about my life. She said that she used to write "reflective stuff" like I did when she was younger, but now wrote about things like health and world events. I remember thinking that was so crazy, why should she reflect less in her writing as she got older? But I think I understand now--both the positive and not so positive implications of that.

I suppose our reflections ebb and flow with us. I'm glad to have an account of that journey.

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