The Hyphen House

I bought this at Ikea several years ago and still love it. My last apartment was tiny so anything we could put on the walls was a storage solution. In this house, we have huge white walls (that we couldn't paint) so it helps fill in some of the blankness.

At Christmas, we take off the magazines and decorate it like a Christmas tree. We use silver garland and white ornaments, and either a tin foil star or a Santa hat on the top.

Magazines of choice: Relevant, Change, Travel and Leisure, Cooking Light, ESPN, Mutuality, and Priscilla Papers.

When I walked in the door to school today, I was a little nervous. A sophomore student who is friends with some of my students/fans held the door open for me and proceeded to follow me up the stairs with a strange grin on her face. She "casually" wished me a happy birthday, which made me a little more nervous. I knew this group of girls was planning something for my birthday, but now I was a little worried about how far they might take those plans.

Being one of only a few young male teachers at an all-girls school is as close as I will ever come to being a celebrity. This year, a particular group of sophomore girls, who have dubbed themselves my "BFFs/Besties," have more or less become my own three-person fan-club. For Christmas, they made me a big pink unicorn at Build-a-Bear, which they named Mr. Rochester, after the love-interest/total creep in Jane Eyre, their summer reading assignment for my class. There is a story behind the unicorn, but more on that later.

I should have known they were going to try and top themselves after last week. One of them made sure everyday to let me know they were getting me a present. I should have known, but I didn't get too nervous until I saw their friend waiting for me by the door. I immediately started considering worst-case scenarios: a banner stretching across the hall, a surprise party in my room, confetti all over the floors, a hallway of students breaking out into song. My students rarely celebrate quietly; already this year a different class kidnapped one of my classroom mascots and held it for ransom in the school's rotunda until I sang the Barney song after school in the middle of a crowd of 9th and 10th graders. Last year, my journalism students took a picture of me next to a cardboard cutout of Zac Efron from High School Musical 3, saved it as my desktop wallpaper, and projected it onto the screen in my classroom with the message: "Mr. KH, Prom '99!"

As I walked up the stairway and rounded the corner, I braced myself. No one broke out into song, no one threw confetti, so at least my worst case scenario hadn't come true. The BFFs were waiting at my door. They had stuck Post-it notes to my door saying, "Look Inside Bestie." I opened the door as they anxiously waited for me to find their surprise. Tied to my chair were two foil balloons, one a standard sized birthday balloon, the other... a giant-sized unicorn head balloon - not my worst-case scenario, but hilarious and over-the-top nonetheless.
I suppose I should explain the unicorn thing. When I started teaching English, I decided that when I had to teach grammar and writing, I would use funny examples that would keep the students interested. Because I teach at an all-girls school, I thought it might be funny to write a bunch of bizarre sentences about evil unicorns for the first grammar lesson I did. For example, on a lesson about passive voice I wrote, "Unicorns are hunted for their silky fur," nothing that is going to win any comedy awards, but at least it is better than the boring Dick and Jane kind of stuff they are used to. The unicorns were a hit, so it just got worse from there, including ridiculous pictures to go along with the grammar Powerpoints and even more ridiculous examples. I also have a collection of classroom mascots, mostly cheap toys that family members and students have given me over the years. For some reason at my first school, the students started giving me all these Happy Meal toys and the collection has grown. Each year it seems like I throw some out, but it keeps growing to the point that I can't fit them on top of my file cabinet anymore. Now, thanks to the unicorn examples, I have a growing unicorn contingent among the other mascots.

I always wondered how teachers developed these weird quirks, and now I am the unicorn guy. What a legacy! I have found that it is almost always the stupid things like these that students remember most about their teachers. My sophomores won't remember that I taught them how to write research papers, literary analyses, or poetry explications, but they will all remember the unicorns.

So here's to birthdays and unicorns, and birthday unicorns. I never dreamed of being that English teacher with a strange unicorn obsession, but what can I say? My life has gone beyond even my wildest dreams.

I can't believe my dissertation defense is tomorrow. Normally, at this point in the spring semester, I would be signing up for coursework hours for next year and finalizing my campus work schedule. But I won't be a student anymore.

That might be the part that's hitting me the most today. I have been a student for 24 years. 25 if you count preschool. I almost don't know who I am without school (and possibly another good reason I've been a teacher for so long and will continue to be one, probably forever). It's obviously a big part of my identity, but more than that it's been this constant goal, this looming prospect, this amazing thing that seemed unattainable at least half the time.

And it's finally here.

So here's to crossing the finish line with joy...

1) Fireplace

Someone referred to this as our wedding shrine and that's an apt description. That's our wedding album on the floor and a pic of me in my wedding dress on the first shelf. The top shelf holds my silk wedding bouquet, a pen and ink drawing our good friend made from one of our wedding photos, and our toasting goblets. On the wall, we have two portraits from our couples' shots and our vows. We wrote our own vows and my roommate at the time wrote them in calligraphy on scrolls my mother-in-law made. The letters were actually our cake topper, custom made by an Etsy shop, that we simply removed the rod and put them in the shadow box with the vows.

This is one of two fireplaces in our floor of the house. Sadly, it's all bricked up. But the black hearth surround is original we think.

2) Tapestries


I love the tapestries from Urban Outfitters b/c they are so multi-functional. I've used them as drapes, to cover file cabinets, and as wall coverings. In this case, my mom surged the edges and we've hung them to a curtain rod using rings with clips on them. Since we have 12 foot ceilings, we really needed something tall to fill up that space and I think they frame the windows nicely.

You've heard us sing the praises of Christians for Biblical Equality before. They are an amazing organization spreading the good news of the "biblical foundation for gift-based rather than gender-based ministry and service." We are members of CBE and have derived so much encouragement from their resources.

The latest issue of their magazine Mutuality is all about dating. Primarily it deconstructs the cultural traditions (both Christian and secular) surrounding dating and unpacks them. I recommend getting the issue (or borrowing it from me), but they have some good posts and discussion on the subject on their blog right now.

I'm bringing this up because so much of it resonated with Eric and I. When we first started dating, we knew we wanted an egalitarian relationship, but we had no idea what that looked like. It served us well to throw everything out and start from scratch. We read books, talked to people, got counsel, read the Bible, and went through a lot of trial and error. And we had an extremely romantic, inspiring dating relationship.

I wrote the following responses to questions posed by a very good post entitled "Biblical Principles for a Cultural Practice":


* Who initiates/how should a person initiate if it is not automatically assumed that the man will?
I think waiting on the other to initiate is problematic, but waiting for a sense the other is interested could be good. Also, initiating spending time with a person of the opposite sex doesn’t have to be such a big deal. When I first met my husband, I asked if he wanted to carpool to where we both attended grad school. It gave us the chance to get to know each other better without pressure, and six weeks later we went on our first official date.

* Who—the man or the woman—should plan and pay for dates?
This varies for every couple but I think should be discussed early on. My now husband joked on our 3rd date that if we wanted an egalitarian relationship we should trade off planning for dates. I thought it was a great idea and that’s what we still do, 3 1/2 years later. While we were dating we decided he would pay for our date night and I would pay for other activities (spontaneous lunches, etc.)

* Isn’t it simply a desire to be lazy and passive when men want women to initiate?
Maybe a way to look at this is that men and women are both capable of initiating, so if either refuses to do anything before the other, that’s the bigger problem.

* How can relationship conflicts be resolved when there is no designated head?
Discussing conflict resolution before any major conflict came up helped us to determine how to go about this. No one is "in charge" and therefore we have to turn to each other to peacefully and respectfully deal with the issue.

* Doesn’t every man want to rescue a beauty and every woman want to be a beauty to be rescued?
I think more people want a warrior king or queen to fight alongside! Giving up the rescuer/rescued dynamic has freed a lot of my friends and us to embrace healthy and fulfilling relationships.

Last month, Eric and I were invited to speak with a small group of high school girls at their Peace Camp. It was an overnight workshop of sorts wherein they discussed peace in themselves, peace in their relationships, and peace in their world. They also drew a picture of a peaceful world as they brainstormed what that would look like.

Their world included "loving lingo," a peace army that would give hugs, universal healthcare and citizenship, food distribution centers, lifelong learning that would entail studying and teaching what you truly loved, conflict resolution teams, renewable energy, nuclear disarmament, and all kinds of green initiatives. It was inspiring to hear their vision.

We spoke with them about what it means to us to have a peaceful marriage. We shared with them how we learned peaceful conflict resolution, how we pursue equality, how we remove un-peaceful distractions, how we navigate challenges, how we make no assumptions about "roles" but base the rhythm of our relationship on who we are, how we strive to respect and love each other unconditionally, how we are continually learning, etc. The answer to most of their questions was "Well, we talk about it. A lot." They wanted to know if our throats ever got dry from talking so much. Of course, they do. :)

Overall it was a great experience, and it made me thankful for peace on all scales. In other words, being truly at peace with your spouse is perhaps as important as nations being at peace with each other. A young woman who is inspired to make affordable solar panels so thin that you can roll out on the roof (and after meeting this girl, I'm sure she will invent such a thing) will be a part of creating peace on multiple levels. I believe in a deep and abiding peace found in Christ, therefore I believe "world peace" is not a trite concept. And it starts with letting the peace of Christ which transcends all understanding transform my understanding.

That's a word I had never heard before grad school. It means second to last and in this case it means the second to last draft of my dissertation. I submitted this to my whole committee Tuesday for their review prior to the formal defense.

It's still hard to believe it's almost over!