Transatlantic Transition

Moving to England is a big deal.

I say that like it should be obvious, but actually to us it's not. We started the process of moving to Europe last summer when we visited, and spent the following year looking for jobs, etc. So we've been used to the idea for some time now.

Last night we told the woman who teaches our pilates class about our upcoming plans and she freaked out, along with everyone in the room. Like, it was the most amazing thing she'd ever heard. Even at the dentist today they couldn't understand how I was holding it together.

The truth is I'm not holding it together all that well.

Our friends who teach at the school we'll be working at said they had flashbacks to the summer before they left, with all the preparations and visits and goodbyes. They said they didn't envy us right now.

It's not the massive to do list - although that keeps me distracted from other overwhelming emotions. It's the emotional process of leaving, and trying to leave well.

I adore our first house together (even though the current leak in the living room and mouse in the kitchen are making it easier for me to go) and get sad when I think of leaving it. It represents so much. The kind of home we created together, with lots of people in and out, our decorating styles combining, and sense of nostalgia growing for each item, all the work we put into it.

And I can't help but feeling like I'm disappointing someone all the time. It's impossible to schedule enough time with everyone, and to prioritize. Also, I get that folks are going to miss us, but it's easy to feel like I'm doing my friends and family a major disservice by moving to another country. No one has come out and said that, of course. But I think about all I'm going to miss and I feel somewhat ashamed for following this dream. Crazy, right?

I guess it's better not to pretend it's no big deal, but also unwise to let it be everything. I've always been a big picture kind of girl, so I need to get back to thinking that way about our transatlantic relocation.